no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
