Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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