I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
