census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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