I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
