yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
