A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
