the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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