I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
