Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
