Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize