I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
