24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
