I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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