Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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