That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
