She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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