Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
