drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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