I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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