I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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