Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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