i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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