Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize