The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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