I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
she pinky promised me she was 18
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
