Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
