dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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