We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Randomize
