oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Randomize
