he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
