his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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