forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
