I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
