I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
