It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
