Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
not ubering you a puppy
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
