So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm bleeding and have questions
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
