Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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