i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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