I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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