I feel great
I just peed on a car
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Randomize
