I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
