we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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