Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
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