I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
