Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
