Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
