I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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