and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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