Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I think my moral compass just broke
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