She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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