I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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