Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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