i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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