It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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