She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
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