I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
