I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
