xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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