You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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