Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
