does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
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