p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize