look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
