He uses pillows to masturbate.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I still have a little drunk in my system
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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