He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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