i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
