please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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