9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
