I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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