how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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