....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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