im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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