It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
