he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
