I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
