it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
