We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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