i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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