we're blogging at a bar
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
