got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
