This house was built for laser tag.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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