I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Randomize