my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
