he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
