You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Randomize
