I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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