Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
