I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
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