i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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