I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
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