It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize