relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I love you.
Bad choice
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