so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
