Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
