I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
