your room smells of hookers.
And success
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
