I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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