If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
