he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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