My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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